Sunday, February 6, 2011

Friends, Public School and Seizure update

My dear friend (yes I feel like I can call her a friend, no I've never met her, that's just how it is in the State Department Blogging Community) at A Daring Adventure is going through an atrocious situation with the Fairfax County Public School system. She closed comments on this entry in her blog and forced me to publicly chide her for being so apologetic to me and the community.

She apologized profusely to me because she hadn't been on the blog to update the Roundup Calendar or announce my topic. I said in my roundup entry that I knew something was wrong, and I was right. To my sweet friend who is going through something horrible, please know that we in the community love you and would (should) never hold you to standards that we wouldn't hold ourselves.

I commend you for your restraint, knowing that I would have a very, very hard time holding myself to. When someone offends us it's damaging, but we dust ourselves off and move on. When someone offends/hurts/damages our children we become a force to be reckoned with. My own son has been singled out in our gated community as one who shouldn't be befriended. Three times he's asked/attempted to play with the children here and they've ostracized him every time. Every time I see the kids playing around the community, I glare and dream about them getting a little too close to the car as I drive out (honestly...yes, then I realize that's crazy).

All this to say, that I understand your tears, I understand your need for restraint, and I completely understand your absence the last week and a half. When reading your post about what your son is going through and the horrible treatment you have received from the F.C.P.S. system, I cried. I cried for him, and I cried for you, who after fighting as hard as you can, can only hold him, and do no more. I know that exact feeling, and it's one of the worst in the world.

On that note, I want to thank those who've given their support and prayers for Malachi and our family. So far he's still seizure free during the day (that we know of) so we're going ahead today as if it's normal. John and I will take Malachi to the neurologist this week, hopefully we'll be able to get in. Here's what will happen:

We'll tell him it was a minor event, over short, full recovery. He'll order blood work to check the levels of medicine in his blood, he'll probably order another MRI and EEG (for which I'll probably shave his hair off because during the last EEG application through his hair was really difficult (read this to understand, it's the story of the previous seizure, hospitalization, tests, etc.)). He'll increase the amount of medicine Malachi receives, or add a second medicine, and send us home. Malachi may never have another seizure again, he may have another one on Tuesday. That's one of the worst parts of this, the not knowing.

I'll keep y'all updated on how things go. And for goodness sake somebody please sign up for the Roundup!


A Daring Adventure said...

Okay, I'm going to hit both this post and the post right above it...

That is SO scary about your son! I hope everything turns out okay! I can't imagine how exhausted you are, and I'm so glad that you say that the medical care you have in your area is great - that's a relief.

Let me just say this, and I'll try to couch this in kind terms, for as a mother you and I both know that we feel MUCH more strongly than this... I know *exactly* what it feels like to watch your child not be befriended by the other, local, neighborhood children. It is too, too painful for words. For many years, our boys were in this position, and it truly was the #1 most painful thing I dealt with as a mother.

There were evenings, I kid you not, when my older son (when he was younger) would sit at the kitchen table with the cordless phone in front of him, staring at it, willing it to ring with an invitation to go play at a neighbor's house. Other evenings he would go to a neighbor's house and knock on the door and see that other kids were there, but he wasn't allowed in. I will never forget these painful exclusions and his tears afterward. Oh, how gut wrenching to watch your child be lonely and cry and be able to do nothing at all to help or fix things!!

Oh, how strong my feelings were on this subject!! To watch your child not be included when they so desperately want to be is sheer torture for you as a mother, because you can't help but nearly hate (HATE!!) all involved, from the children who aren't friendly or form other cliques to their parents who don't care and turn a blind eye. Oh, my friend, I have been in your place and it is so incredibly painful. My heart goes out to you.

As for our family, thank you so much for your kindness and understanding.

I hope that your son feels better - I hope you get answers - I so very much hope that the friendship situation gets better. Hugs your way... parenthood can be so heart-wrenching sometimes... Hang in there...

Sara said...

Drng, I've been meaning to answer this, and now I am. :)

I'm so sorry your son had to go through that. How horrible for him and for you! We're lucky in our situation in that he's made friends through the Embassy community and in school. I'm hoping we get a good crop of kids in this summer, because the kids his age are leaving.