This theme this week for the State Department Blog Roundup being hosted by Melissa at Just Us tomorrow is "I'm thankful I've learned..."
I'm going to use this opportunity to really bare my soul here. I haven't been too shy about talking about this with my friends here in Costa Rica, and some memebers of my family know this already, but...I'm realy thankful I've learned that I can control my emotions.
You see, I'm in therapy. I've had an issue for a long time with anger and extreme (and I mean extreme) impatience. Unfortunately it's usually worst with my kids. My sweet wonderful little kids who are just being kids and don't deserve a mommy who gets angry at them for being just that. I have an amazing husband with super parenting skills and my anger and impatience would often cause problems between the two of us. A few months ago when we were fighting the same fight we'd had many times I finally told him I needed to see someone.
The nurse in the health unit at the Embassy recommended someone, and I've been seeing her since. I honestly wondered if it would be like on TV and in movies where the therapist sides with the patient and the problems are everybody else's fault. But that's not the case at all. The first two meetings with her were very emotional and raw, I believe I cleaned out the fridge after the second session. But since the third one I've used very few tissues, even when we discuss the issues (heehee).
Because of my therapy, I know that I can control the anger and impatience, and it's made a huge difference in my life. My relationship with my amazing five year old is better, and I love (even more than I used to) spending time with him again. I'm certainly more patient with my sweet nine month old than I was with his brother at this age. And these aren't the only emotions I'm controlling now. My fear of going over bridges is way down, and I don't cry nearly as much as I used to when the situation doesn't call for it. And having this new coaching for my life has greatly increased my joy during this pregnancy. I know that with the other ones I was happy but I let the hormes rule the emotions - not this time! I'm almost a quarter of the way through my pregnancy and I can say with confidence that this one is going to be different.
And I'm allowing myself to find joy in things that I haven't before. Like Glee (LOVE Glee), and music that I've never appreciated before, like Journey, Train and even Lady Gaga (although admittedly this may be due to the infatuation with Glee).
I'm so happy that I took a leap of faith and trusted my mental health to this wonderful person, who has given me the tools and strength to take it back! I know that for some people this would be really hard, but I have to say, if you need to talk to someone please do so. There's no shame in seeing someone who can help you muddle through all the emotions and thoughts that can be so hard to organize and straighten out by yourself. It could even make you a better person. It did for me.
This is me...happy.
Oh...and have a Happy Thanksgiving people! I know I will!!