Coping

A thought occurred to me the other day as I spent it hiding in bed watching TV and sleeping. It’s how I spent my last month in Costa Rica. It’s also how I spent my first two months here.

It occurred to me that to cope, I put myself in my bed and hide. I hide from the outside world and all the stress that waits outside of my bedroom door.

My bedroom becomes my haven of peace and quiet.

I’ve slowly started emerging from it, and yesterday and today I’ve even not run to it. Sure, I’m on the computer, but baby steps.

In other, totally vain news…my clothes are getting tight. I started stress eating again. I hope that I can get it under control. I just bought nice clothes for work during home leave and want to either, A. fit in them, or B. slim out of them. Also, I want to be thin. I haven’t been thin since before we moved to Texas. Before I got pregnant with Coen (right before) I bought jeans the size that I was in when I got pregnant with Malachi.

I can sort of squeeze into them and be really uncomfortable, but they’re not wearable. I need to get into those jeans again, and go down at least one more size, but I would love to go down two.

I would be so happy with myself if I did that.

I’ve talked for years about getting a tattoo, and I’m getting more serious about it. I’ve enjoyed my nose piercing and want to explore with a tattoo. I want one that really speaks to who I am inside and out. I’ve had an idea in my head, but haven’t been able to get it on paper.

I’m saying now, that it’s going to be a goal of mine before I leave Manila…tattoo.